what was I thinking!!!!

-taking on not only a new job but one I have absolutely no experience doing
-going back to school while working fulltime and having a house full of teenagers
-changing churches
-getting involved in ministry again
What time is this to begin all of this...This is God's time and He will see to it that the things He will not have me do fall by the way side and the things that are of Him will grow to become what is His will. I travel through this part of my life and have more contentment and joy then I think I have every known all the while feeling inadequate to do any of it. I know from my years of reading the bible that God is great at taking those that feel inadequate and doing great works through them. As I am traveling a path that I KNOW is God breathed I can only think oh God please hold me up, please give me the strength, don't let go of me because I will fall on my own. Inadequate means unsuitable. Satan is playing with my mind right now by saying "how can I think I am suitable for the things set before me". I have his answer in the promises of God's word. Isaiah 40:31 says But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings of eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not be faint. This is just one of many scriptures that I can claim as I walk through what I feel inadequate to walk through. I don't like the refining but I know I always love the blessing and ability to glorify God on the otherside of the fire. So, the answer to what was I thinking? I was thinking okay God I am jumping on your back as you carry me through the fire and by the way thank you for caring enough to not only refine me but carry me!!!!

is he ready...am I ready

Alex was not your typical toddler boy. When other boys at the age of three were running around with what seemed like endless energy that could not be reined in and controlled he would sit and listen as long as you were talking. He loved anyting to do with a computers or video games and while some saw them as a harmful thing I discovered for him it was how he learned. He taught himself to read and solve puzzles of all kinds by age 3. He was a very complianted young boy that took in everything around him. He learned early in life that although he knew a lot he should not brag or flaunt that with his peers and instead patiently helped them to learn new things. He has never liked to have attention brought to him. He stopped wanting to read in about the 2nd grade and I discovered he didn't like made up stories, so he started checking out non-fiction. I am always amazed by the random facts that he has retained. He was a great flag football player with an amazing understanding of the sport as well as other sports. When he started to be home schooled in the 3rd grade I allowed him to learn at his own pace and next thing we new he was two grades ahead. He also wanted to enter back into the public school system and at the age 13 became a sophmore in high school. He was very samll then but took it in stride and move past the name calling ot make some life long friendships. But although he learns easily he is fun loving and full of joy. He almost always is smiling and brings a smile to most of those around him. Once when he was about 10 he asked me if he was funny. I told him your friends seem to think so but as a mom you can be a wise guy but I love that about you. Here I am looking at him a great role model and friend accepting others where they are in their life journey but showing them Christ's love through his actions. I pray he continues to look towards God's truths and follows His path for his life no matter where it leads him. He is looking to become a High School Math teacher which fits his personality well. He may be intelligent enough to do anything but I want more then anything for him to follow God's path for his life. So, here we are a few weeks away from him graduating high school 2 years early. It seems like yesterday he was standing in the tub yelling "Is it washing hair day, mom?". I will cry as he walks to recieve his diploma both with sadness that he is growing into a man and will no longer be my baby boy and out of pride for his hard work and determination.

how can it be that she is graduating

Stephanie the apple of her daddy's eye the day she was born. I will remember the first time he held her in his arms forever. Here we sat working hard to make a living and now we had been entrusted with the blessing of raising a baby girl. She has always been very aware of those around her wanting nothing more then happiness for all. She would grow into a very opinionated toddler at age 4 but very aware of the rules and the first to remind you if you forgot what you said you were going to do. At the age of 4 she stepped into the role of a junior mom as she assisted me in taking care of her twin baby sisters. She was a natural and very good at feeding them, changing them and getting them to fall asleep. She learned early the art of "allowing" Alex to clean her room for which he felt was a great priveledge. She hated PE and sweating so much she learned in Kindergarten you could go to the clinic if you said your tummy hurt and soon figured out how to get out of PE. We caught on and she was to endure PE until she came home to be schooled in 4th grade. She remained home until she decided it was time to go back to public school in 9th grade. I had a hard time letting her go but trusted God had her back. She has had tremendous strength as she has watched her father go through cancer not once but twice in the past 8 years. She is mature beyond her years in many ways which I think is an advantage and disadvantage. The advantage is she deals with stress and emergencies in stride the disadvantage is she can seem so very serious and closed. I pray that she will feel God's hand as she continues to grow into an amazingly Godly woman. As I look at her I want for her to enjoy life but to be mindful of the path God has for her; to look toward Him, learn His truths for herself and live those out boldly and without fear of hypocracy. Going to those that are more mature in the faith for guidence and wisdom without apprehension. When she came to know Christ personally at the age of 8 she looked to her father and I and said I can now go to Africa to be a missionary. Her path may not actually lead her to Africa but I pray that she will still live life to glorify God and show others his love and gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ. So, my serious junior mom is now moving to a phase that will start her on her journey into adulthood. In June she will graduate from high school when I feel like she was just potty trained. Who knew that something so wonderful could also be so heart breaking. You may ask, why heart breaking? It is heart breaking to see that you are not as needed as you were when she was 4. I know I will always be here mom but I may not always be the one she needs. I am excited to see her grow up but surprised that graduation is here already. I could not ask for a better daughter and will be full of tears I fear until well past her graduation day.