you can now find me bloggin here

http://thomastribe6.wordpress.com

it has been awhile

So, it was recently brought to my attention that I have not written anything here in quit sometime. You are so correct! There is a simple explanation for that...YIKES life got out of hand. It started with the Relay For Life season in April and May and ended with me deciding that ACS and I had two different views on how to best work towards a cure for cancer so I parted ways. Shortly after that parting I returned to retail. I worked one day at my new position with Lucky Brand and then Willie and I traveled to Romania with four youth boys and 2 youth girls and two pastors and what a life changing experience. To put it in any other way then God changed us and blessed us by placing Romania in our hearts and we left part of our hearts behind. There will be a blog on that eventually. So we were gone for two weeks and upon our return Willie received a promotion, the kids all started school and I went to work at the new job in retail and started back to school. All is going well and I am finally feeling a balance in our life. Besides the craziness that has been going on in our lives I have been looking for a different blog site. Why? You may ask. Well, here it is the truth I like to write my stuff in a Word document and then cut and paste it and I am unable to do that here. I do this to ensure I am able to save it to a thumb drive for later use. I have found a site that I can do that so I will give you that address when I move over there.
I am going to start a new daily ritual that will ensure that I spend time with God each morning and also find time to work on my writing. Throughout my adult life God has always placed on my heart that I need to give 10% of my income back in tithe to the church that I am currently attending. He has also reminded me that I need to spend time with him building our relationship and well let’s just say I find it easier to give him my money then my time. So, here it is I want him to help me get to the place of writing a book and get frustrated when I feel the urge to write before I need to leave for work or when I am exhausted and want to sleep. Then it dawned on me do I really give him any part of my day that is exclusively his to do his work through me. The answer is NO! So, he chooses the times for me I feel as a reminder that he still desires me to write but that I am too "busy" for him. UGH! I only work part time and yet I still have not given him my first in time. I am stepping out and saying again here I am God all of me do what you will with the talent and desires you have given me. Please join with me in prayer to keep him first in all I do.
I always wonder how is it that we can be on time to work or show up when we are needed, we have time for a friend who calls in distress, time to watch that latest TV show, time to read meaningless stuff, time to talk on the phone and even time to do nothing but yet there is not time in our day to sit down with our Creator. We have time to sit down and talk with the God who chose to create us in his image to do a good work for him yet we choose to do “work” over just taking the time to get to know him and what he wants for every part of our lives. My problem is when I pray for him to reveal his plan to me he gives me a look about the same size as a grain of sand and what do I do, I run and try to build a sand castle worthy of his praise with that one grain of sand instead of waiting on him to bring me the remainder of the sand that I will need to do it in such a way that he is glorified. Control is what that is all about, I choose the things I think I can control to do and then try and blame God for the things that don't seem to be falling in to place. Wow, life is sure about learning. Every day I learn a little more about myself and a little more about what God is all about and yet there is so much more to learn. Your way Lord is the way I want to travel, your how, when, where and why are what my focus needs to be to really see all that you have for me instead of just that grain of sand. Let’s get this thing going.

what was I thinking!!!!

-taking on not only a new job but one I have absolutely no experience doing
-going back to school while working fulltime and having a house full of teenagers
-changing churches
-getting involved in ministry again
What time is this to begin all of this...This is God's time and He will see to it that the things He will not have me do fall by the way side and the things that are of Him will grow to become what is His will. I travel through this part of my life and have more contentment and joy then I think I have every known all the while feeling inadequate to do any of it. I know from my years of reading the bible that God is great at taking those that feel inadequate and doing great works through them. As I am traveling a path that I KNOW is God breathed I can only think oh God please hold me up, please give me the strength, don't let go of me because I will fall on my own. Inadequate means unsuitable. Satan is playing with my mind right now by saying "how can I think I am suitable for the things set before me". I have his answer in the promises of God's word. Isaiah 40:31 says But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings of eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not be faint. This is just one of many scriptures that I can claim as I walk through what I feel inadequate to walk through. I don't like the refining but I know I always love the blessing and ability to glorify God on the otherside of the fire. So, the answer to what was I thinking? I was thinking okay God I am jumping on your back as you carry me through the fire and by the way thank you for caring enough to not only refine me but carry me!!!!

is he ready...am I ready

Alex was not your typical toddler boy. When other boys at the age of three were running around with what seemed like endless energy that could not be reined in and controlled he would sit and listen as long as you were talking. He loved anyting to do with a computers or video games and while some saw them as a harmful thing I discovered for him it was how he learned. He taught himself to read and solve puzzles of all kinds by age 3. He was a very complianted young boy that took in everything around him. He learned early in life that although he knew a lot he should not brag or flaunt that with his peers and instead patiently helped them to learn new things. He has never liked to have attention brought to him. He stopped wanting to read in about the 2nd grade and I discovered he didn't like made up stories, so he started checking out non-fiction. I am always amazed by the random facts that he has retained. He was a great flag football player with an amazing understanding of the sport as well as other sports. When he started to be home schooled in the 3rd grade I allowed him to learn at his own pace and next thing we new he was two grades ahead. He also wanted to enter back into the public school system and at the age 13 became a sophmore in high school. He was very samll then but took it in stride and move past the name calling ot make some life long friendships. But although he learns easily he is fun loving and full of joy. He almost always is smiling and brings a smile to most of those around him. Once when he was about 10 he asked me if he was funny. I told him your friends seem to think so but as a mom you can be a wise guy but I love that about you. Here I am looking at him a great role model and friend accepting others where they are in their life journey but showing them Christ's love through his actions. I pray he continues to look towards God's truths and follows His path for his life no matter where it leads him. He is looking to become a High School Math teacher which fits his personality well. He may be intelligent enough to do anything but I want more then anything for him to follow God's path for his life. So, here we are a few weeks away from him graduating high school 2 years early. It seems like yesterday he was standing in the tub yelling "Is it washing hair day, mom?". I will cry as he walks to recieve his diploma both with sadness that he is growing into a man and will no longer be my baby boy and out of pride for his hard work and determination.

how can it be that she is graduating

Stephanie the apple of her daddy's eye the day she was born. I will remember the first time he held her in his arms forever. Here we sat working hard to make a living and now we had been entrusted with the blessing of raising a baby girl. She has always been very aware of those around her wanting nothing more then happiness for all. She would grow into a very opinionated toddler at age 4 but very aware of the rules and the first to remind you if you forgot what you said you were going to do. At the age of 4 she stepped into the role of a junior mom as she assisted me in taking care of her twin baby sisters. She was a natural and very good at feeding them, changing them and getting them to fall asleep. She learned early the art of "allowing" Alex to clean her room for which he felt was a great priveledge. She hated PE and sweating so much she learned in Kindergarten you could go to the clinic if you said your tummy hurt and soon figured out how to get out of PE. We caught on and she was to endure PE until she came home to be schooled in 4th grade. She remained home until she decided it was time to go back to public school in 9th grade. I had a hard time letting her go but trusted God had her back. She has had tremendous strength as she has watched her father go through cancer not once but twice in the past 8 years. She is mature beyond her years in many ways which I think is an advantage and disadvantage. The advantage is she deals with stress and emergencies in stride the disadvantage is she can seem so very serious and closed. I pray that she will feel God's hand as she continues to grow into an amazingly Godly woman. As I look at her I want for her to enjoy life but to be mindful of the path God has for her; to look toward Him, learn His truths for herself and live those out boldly and without fear of hypocracy. Going to those that are more mature in the faith for guidence and wisdom without apprehension. When she came to know Christ personally at the age of 8 she looked to her father and I and said I can now go to Africa to be a missionary. Her path may not actually lead her to Africa but I pray that she will still live life to glorify God and show others his love and gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ. So, my serious junior mom is now moving to a phase that will start her on her journey into adulthood. In June she will graduate from high school when I feel like she was just potty trained. Who knew that something so wonderful could also be so heart breaking. You may ask, why heart breaking? It is heart breaking to see that you are not as needed as you were when she was 4. I know I will always be here mom but I may not always be the one she needs. I am excited to see her grow up but surprised that graduation is here already. I could not ask for a better daughter and will be full of tears I fear until well past her graduation day.

reach out and ask the impossible...

This is a letter to someone who watered the seed of desire that God placed in my heart.
The year is 2005 the place is Women of Faith in Orlando, FL. I saw for the first time a woman that I so admired She was doing God's work and she was doing it with spunk, pizazz, humor, flare and the right amount of seriousness. This person was you, Patsy Clairmont. It was at this moment I knew that one day I would be speaking to glorify God. This was the day that my ministry journey started its course to where God would lead me. This would be the same year that I took on the task of molding the minds of our young leaders by becoming a children's director for a church start. This journey was so full filling but 5 years later I heard God saying the time is now; time to continue towards your true calling. My resistance was strong, I was needed right here. Who would do it all if I didn't? But also during this time I chose to push the Holy Spirit aside so as I tried to find joy and admiration in all the wrong places. It took great loss for me to drop to my knees and re-surrender to the path He clearly set out for me but that I chose to ignore for self. Now, at age 40 I have a clear desire that I know is one God placed in my heart in 2005 but at that time I didn't trust God to get me there. I have an over whelming desire to write and speak. The subject is simply relationship development. God has placed on my heart that our nation and world are dying because they don't see that relationship development is the answer. The key relationship first being with the Savior, Jesus Christ, those around us, dating marriage, parenting, empty nest and retirement. So, here I am 40 years old back in school working on my BA in Psychology, working full time, involved at church, on top of being a wife and mother of four teens, and writing when God says, " write NOW you can sleep later". So, here is what led me to write you. You are someone that I consider a great example of God taking the impossible and making possible. I was not so afraid of the world that I became secluded from the world like you but I was very intimidated by people. I was also some one that needed people to survive. I thrived on relationships and when alone became depressed yet I was afraid to reach out to new people. This was a huge obstacle considering to this point I have moved 60 times and in my 13 years of public school education I changed at the very least 13 times. Some years I attended as many as three different schools. For years I have suffered from undiagnosed narcolepsy. Now, I take medication and it has opened up so much of my mind I have trouble quieting it. As I wait on God's timing, which in the past I have struggled with, He brought to my mind to write you. Here it is my attempt to obey God at what seems like a long shot. However, I have learned over the years where things don't make sense or seem crazy to us if we pay attention and obey we will find God is in the middle. It is His way of making sure He is glorified. It reminds me of the passage 1Corinthians 1:26-29 (American Standard Version) 26 For behold your calling, brethren, that not many wise after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called: 27 but God chose the foolish things of the world, that he might put to shame that are wise; and God chose the weak things of the world, that are strong; 28 and the base things of the world, and the things that are despised, did God choose, yea and the things that are not, that he might bring nought the things that are: 29 that no flesh should glory before God.
With all this said I ask first for your prayers but I am stepping out in faith and feeling led by God to ask you to help guide my journey . I look forward to however God leads you to respond to my email. I also wait to see if it is here in Orlando that attend Women Of Faith this year or fly to either Texas or Kansas City, Mo and go with friends there so I can once again see you speak. May God continue to bless you and you ministry. Carol Thomas

one day at a time.

I work for the American Cancer Society. Some of you know this and some may not have known until now. My job title is community representative. My job description is to create a relationship with a community, share the services ACS has to offer, educate on how to do all you can to prevent cancer for yourself through good choices, to honor and support survivors and to encourage the community to dig in and help us fight this horrible thing called cancer. A large part of how ACS is able to fund so much life saving research and all the other services they have to offer is through events such as Relay For Life. I am part of those events taking place. I find people with a passion to see this fight end with a cure. I train and lead them to create an amazing overnight event that will celebrate and honor survivors, bring closure to those who have lost loved ones to cancer, and raise money to fight back through education and research. So, there are days where I am unsure if I will be able to do enough to reach the goals that need to be met to put an end to it all. When we are in trainings as a staff we are reminded we need to instill a sense of urgency without causing panic and axiety. I am not always good at doing that with myself so I worry my volunteers will read my face. Then today as I was talking with a committee that is amazing but starting to get that panic and axiety look it came to me. We are at the place in our journey to our event that is a mirror to the place where a cancer patient finds themself after that first treatment or even every treatment; the place where they doubt themselves. I can't keep going, I am to tired, this is too hard, it would be easier to throw in the towel then push forward, I don't know enough and I don't think I have it in me. Well, wham it hit me. Yes, we really need to get to 30 teams not just to hit goal but to help more people through research. I said to them we need to all get up every day with the determination that we will do our very best today to make a difference. We fight for each day just like a cancer patient is fighting every day. We can only win one day at a time if we are pushing to win today then we will win in the end. You see tomorrow never comes it is always today. We can't change the past and we can't see the future so today we need to do all we can and the whole thing will come together as a cure for cancer. SO, today I am determined to move into the mind set of I will do all I can no matter how hard the battle is and with God's strength and the support of voluteers I will stand in the face of cancer and say YOU WILL NOT TAKE US DOWN! Join me where ever you are there is an event find it at http://www.relayforlife.org/ If you want to join me at one of my events you will find me at www.relayforlife.org/winterparkfl www.realyforlife.org/westorangefl www.relayforlife.org/baldwinparkfl www.relayforlife.org/goldenrodfl
Come support me and help me celebrate more survivors and more birthdays!!!!

Do I really have it bad?

Are things really unfair in my life? As I woke this morning a friends name popped into my thoughts, I learned a long time ago to call or start praying when that happens. Because I knew she was in the middle of a very hard spot I prayed. You see I am aware of when not talking is the very best thing to do. I did send a text to let her know my prayers were soring towards heaven for her but I know this is all I can do for her today. So, how does this relate to me or even you? As I showered, I began to think about how small group would be today. It will not be the same and I imagine will be led by someone else. That led to the thoughts of how I am going through life trying to figure out how to move radically for God. What things are standing in my way? First, thing I thought of was my selfish heart; a heart that can dwell easily on the things in life that are difficult, unfair or just seem wrong. Life's journey is not an easy one and Satan would have it to be even more difficult. He relishes the times when that is where our minds want to stay and build our existance. So, now I got thinking about my friend again. She and those she love had to make one of the hardest choices in life. Let go of control, let God have it all, let Him choose the time even if that time is now. As a child our parents are everything to us. Our mom however is the giver of our life. Yes, I know God is the ultimate giver of life but our mothers whether they were involved in our raising or not chose in their free will to give us life in this world. I can't imagine a bigger gift. So, how is it that we can be in a place like my friend where we have to make the chioce. The choice of letting the machines keep her alive or leave it in the hands of God. God gives us the wisdom to save so many more lives than were possible generations ago but when do we say enough is enough. When is the "right" time to say, "Mom I love you it is okay to let go" and not try to save the one person here in this world that gave you life. This friend stuggles here yet through the pain I know my God the same God she loves will carry her through this journey. What I thought from here was do I really have it bad? Are things really unfair in my life? Do we really see that someone else may be going through a much more difficult journey? I am not simply talking about the children or people for that matter around the world that are starving. I am talking about the person next to you in traffic, standing in line with you at the grocery store or even sitting next to you every day in school or work. Our problem, my problem is not that things are bad or unfair our problem is that we are looking inward and not outward. When we look so much of the time inwardly we miss God. He is waiting for us to look beyond ourselves and what is difficult in our own circumstances so that He can bless us by allowing us to see some one elses pain. When we focus on God and not circumstances we have a greater perspective of what is important. As you walk your journey and you are stumbling in your circumstances look out and ask God who you can bless. You will be amazed how your journey will feel a little lighter. I am not saying that we can't have times of great sadness such as that in which my dear friend is in. I am saying in that sadness or rough spot seek God. He is waiting to bless you on the other side. Part of that blessing will be your joy when you are given the opportunity to bless someone else. Another thing that gets in my way is trusting through faith in God. Trusting myself in knowing which step to take next for God and no one else. As a wife and mother you become very much about your children and husband. Some would say you lose who you are as your own person. That is a ridiculous statement that Satan has used to cause me to run off the path to righteousness more then once. Being blessed to be a wife and a mother helps to define who I am in this world. It is not a punishment that has to be lived out and then you can be yourself again. It is a way for you to live unselfishly and bring blessings to others daily. The difficulty for me at this point is trying to decern are the things I am discerning of God or of self. Because Jesus did tell us to give up everything and follow Him knowing that there will be things that seem odd for us to give up, like our family. Didn't He bless me with them and now He wants me to give it up. Hold on don't get nervous, I don't think God is asking me to give up my life. I do however, feel moved to walk in a way that may not make the most sense. There are desires of my heart and they are pulling so hard sometimes it is difficult to concentrate on my day to day life. The part I am trying to figure out is how do I get from what my daily life is like to the place I feel God calling me to move. As a visual person the picture I see is a country road so beautiful with the best of everything all around it. As we are moving along excited and enjoying the drive and the anticipation of getting to the beautiful cabin by a stream where we will enjoy great things together there is a slight problem. The covered bridge is out and there is no visible path to get there. In a nonbelivers life this would be similar to the seperation from God by sin. The cross gives a way to reach God. Living in a now society for me it is hard to wait on God to build the bridge for me to get to the place that is pulling me so very hard. I believe the things in my life are the boards that will build that bridge and as I move through it eyes focused on God and what He has for me when God is ready all the boards will be there and I will cross. But I want to run to Home Depot and help Him out a little. I want to get there faster and now would be good. However, I do know that I need to wait on His timing and I will be blessed more then I could ever have imangined. Remeber today and for that matter going forward, you will have to make choices to take the faster easier path with less then God has planned or you can wait on Him and get you socks blessed clean of your feet. My friend as she has been on this journey has taken it one day at a time and waited on the Lord to give the time. With that time came heart ache but God's peace will be present and she will see blessings. Not necessarily now but it is just one more board on her journey that will help to build her covered bridge that will bring her to that perfect place that God has just for her. I am continuing forward building board by board with God beside me and am so axious to get to that cabin in the woods. This life is not a sprint but a marathon.

funny how life works out!

As a child you go about life pretty much selfishly at first. Cry to get fed. Cry for a new diaper. Cry to be held. You become a toddler and you try to keep it easy for everyone by doing the same but NOOOO they want you to wait and learn to "use your words". Then you become school age and you try to again to do what you were told "use your words" but now they want you to talk less, listen more and follow directions, so you can do it yourself. Along comes those pre-adult years; the teen years and now you want to do things yourself, be talked to less and not be controlled by directions. Next thing you know you are out in the world on your own and wow it is all about you again. What pleases you, makes you feel happy and building your life however you want no directions required. Now this is the life! Wham! You wake up one day and you have a spouse and children. When did that happen and where in the world are the directions? Okay, you think I can do this, deep breath, what did my parents say about how to talk things through, how to plan ahead, how to avoid debt and most of what was it they said about going to college? What was I thinking? Oh, yeah I have plenty of time to go to college, to save money and pay off those credit cards for now I will have fun.

So, the years have past and life just seemed to happen no plan, not really just took it one event at a time. I have always been amazed at the people that planned so far ahead that they even planned what month the would like to get pregnant so a child was born in a certain month. Or even making sure they had 3 years between every child. How about those people that even planned far enough ahead that they decided to have the first letter of every child's name start with the same letter. Geeze Louise, I rarely thought about what I would be having for dinner much less crazy things like calculating the exact year each kids should be born. Well, this year as I celebrate the life that God has given me I am thankful He has a plan all worked out. Oh and by the way when I have fluttered from one step in life to the next He would always bring me back to His path you know the one that He planned. Anyway, this year as I started a new thing, planning ahead as God prompted me through prayer, I looked at what celebrations we would see this year. I realized not planning made it possible for us to celebrate Alex turning 16, Beth and Brittany turning 13, I will turn fabulously 40, Stephanie and Alex will graduate high school, Stephanie will turn 18 and Willie and I will celebrate 20 years of marriage. That my friends is just the celebration of those that live within our four walls. I forgot the most exciting, aside from being married 20 years, Willie and I get the privilege of going to Romania to share God's Truths. With all that I can say that in all my years before leaving home none of this was ever planned out or even a fleeting thought in my head and without God blowing me gently at times, sternly shoving at others and most defiantly stopping me dead in my tracks at least once to put me back on the path He planned for my life I would not be as amazingly happy as I am today.
You see, although, I could have planned better and avoided a lot of hard, painful, scary and sad times in my life I would not be who I am today broken and on my knees before my God the Lord of my life saying take me where ever it is you have planned. I am ready and I am yours do with me what you will. I am ready to be a school aged child again and talk less, listen more and follow your direction. Thank you for the life you have planned for me while I was too busy flying by the seat of my pants.

the struggle with speaking truth in love...

Today, our Sunday evening small group started a bible study about communicating within in marriage. Ephesians 4:11-16 was part of our discussion it reads:


And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for equipping the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head--Christ--from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what ever joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

Speaking the truth in love. I believe that the truth that is being spoken of here is the the truth of Christ and giving yourself to Him to do his works after recognizing that He gave his perfect life to us to cover our sins so that we may have life everlasting. Having the acceptance and understanding that we have been bought with a great price but in return will have life abundantly not easy but abundantly in Him and direct communication with God our father.

This is not meant only for couples within a marriage but for all believers. This has got to be one of the most misused verses. Sadly, there are times when we as believers get ourselves ahead of God and spout out or do things to others in the name of "speaking the truth in love". We do this truly believing that what we are saying to someone is what God would want us to speak without giving it another thought. Have you ever told some or heard someone else tell someone that a certain bad thing such as the death of a child, a child stricken with a horrible disease or financial failure was because of the sin in their life. Whatever, the justification for speaking this "truth in love" a very important part in the verses that may have gotten forgotten in the process is the growth in all things into Him or the growth of the body (God's children) for the edifying of itself in love. You see each child of God is a part of the whole body and the gifts he speaks of at the beginning of the above verses are to be used for edifying and growing the body as a whole. You also need to remember that many times through the Bible when it says truth it is actually referring to Christ himself.


Today as I grieve over a friend that has been hurt by the "speaking of truth in love" without "edification" and now can not find it in her to believe in the God that I so love and believe in because someone beat her up at her time of lose instead of loving her with God's love and then allowing God to move her through that love. I also grieve as a mother is sick, hurt, broken and in need of her children that live in the very same town as her. They are not there because of a hurt that has gone unforgiven that is related to the feeling they have spoken "the truth in love" and her past actions give them a right to turn their backs on her she laid in her bed lonely and bleeding.


For both of these wounded souls God has seen fit to place Godly examples in their path in hopes they will feel the peace, mercy, forgiveness and over all healing that only He can provide. That through the presence of Godly friends the one that wants nothing to do with God sees Him daily and has stirring in her heart. I pray for a soft heart as I want her to know the God that I love and fear. The woman in need of her children so close by yet so far separated by hate and unforgiveness God gives to her a young kind hearted woman whose heart breaks at the site of that woman's heart ache. She takes care of her because of her love and respect for this precious heart broken woman and her love for God but in the same moment is angered that the woman's children did not come to her side leaving behind the hate and unforgiveness. She prays that they will come to a place of forgiveness before it is to late.


So, how will I use this day and these verses God has revealed to me in a new light? I pray that I will remember that as God places people in my life that I speak the truth remember that the truth is Christ nor my view of who they are or the mistakes they have made. That I ask God if it is His will for me to speak truth to someone that it is lovingly and edifying but not sugar coated. Also, that what I say be words of edification not condemnation or judgement causing them to see me as viewing myself more righteous then them. I know that I can not heal them, only God can but what I pray is that I may never hurt someone to the point they look away from the real Truth; Christ. God's unbelievable sacrifice in love.


But to those of you who have not as of yet accepted the God of my faith and love I beg you to remember that all Christians are a work in progress to be perfect only in Him once we are with Him in Heaven eternal. For those of you who have failed to understand the verses to mean the truth as Christ not showing others their wrong doings pray and then go to that person and ask for forgiveness. It will take a lot of strength but God will bless you; I have no doubt about it.

It is 4 AM and my stomach is all out of sorts.

I wake up at 4 AM today my stomach all tied up. I lay their and think...God why do you want me awake right now. Before I know it life floods into my head; you need to get this done and that done for work or you will disappoint them or even fail at reaching the goals set out for you. What bills do you need to pay is the money there and then another birthday party to be had on Saturday. WAIT! don't forget the baby shower you can't forget that you want to see everyone you have missed dearly. STOP!!!! Time for me to pray it seems Satan is stealing my sleep and making my crazy with axiety. Lord, please give me the wisdom and strength to do the things you have planned for me and to do all I do to gloify you not all the other people in the world around me. Starting to drift of to sleep... YOU ARE NEVER going to get ahead, you can't succeed in your job; what were you thinking taking that job. You are in over your head ruuuunnnn!!! STOP! There he goes again Satan throwing daggers. Lord, give me peace please give me peace I know you are there I know you are in control I know you will not let me fall as long as I hold on to you. Deep breathe...sleep comes BEEP BEEP man it is time to get up.

Why do I think that it is Satan talking in my head you may ask so I will tell you. Because anytime I have started down the path of discovery like the one I wrote about in my last post Satan will pop his ugly head in there and try to sabotage me where I am the weakest. Do you recall where I am weak? No, then I will tell you my self esteem. Someone could tell me each day that I am smart, that I am doing a great job and my kids are awesome but while I sleep Satan likes to play on my self esteem and works hard at pushing me down. He is sneaky and in the past has even placed someone in my path to actually build me up so that later that relationship could tear me down. He is a tricky fella, watch out. The Bible warns us that as we do God's will that we will be persecuted.

Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. But evil men and imposters will grow worse and worse, decieving and being deceived. But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned and been assured of knowing from whom you have you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ. 2Timothy 3:12-15

I reflected on these verses for the remainder of the day and a peace poured over me. Then God as I have seen Him do many times in my past poured blessings upon my family. He remains to be my comfort and my provider. SO, TAKE THAT satan YOU CAN'T TOUCH this girl cause God's got my back.

Why is it that I am almost forty and now..

I have finally figured out what it is God would have me do with my life. Are you ready? If you know me well you might think well no duh but for me it wasn't so visiable. Here it goes...I desire to talk for a living. That's right get paid to talk. Seems logical I am very good at it, so why did it take so long for me to find it? Here is my thoughts on it; my stupid self esteem. For those of you who have known me from my late 20's on may not know this but I am shy. No, really I am. I know it is hard to believe but that is because I pray regularly for God to give me the strength to push onward to what I love; you know talking. There was a time that the thought of going somewhere anywhere alone for the first time would cause me to want to throw up. So, how is God moving me through that rock in your stomach, cold sweat, light headed gonna puke place. He kept moving me; moving me everywhere all the time. Off the top of my head I would say no less then 60 times in my 39years + 365 days -22 days. Hint: my birthday is Feb 16th. I will be fabulously 40. Now back to my discovery. My family, they have always known I was a talker. They gave me names like jabber jaws and played 45 records (for those younguns that is what we used to listen to music on ) with songs like "You talk to much". So, here I am on the road to discovery and next I am wondering how the heck do I land that job that allows me to get paid to talk. Now, I am not talking about being a teacher kind of talking but more like you pay to see me speak at the Amway Arena talking. Well, for now I am back in school working on my degree in Psychology, seems logical to know all about the people I want to listen to me talk. I have all sorts of books flying around in my head but heck if one of them can find the exit to get out on the paper (or computer) so I can then tour the world and talk about that book. That is right the world, if I am going to dream of talking it is going to be everywhere and anywhere God leads me. You see I am all about following where He leads me because I tried it on my own and I just seemed to be wandering these past 40 years -22days. And shoot I stepped in a lot of poo along the way. Hey, didn't Moses do that wandering thing and look what he accomplished when He let God lead. Watch out world God has me and is going to do His mighty works through me. Stick around, keep checking in you never know what He will have me say from here. And don't forget Feb 16th is when I become fabulous don't miss it.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" Isaiah 6:8